punyeta! inaantok ako...!

LSS
Stillwater - All I Can Remember

Saturday, November 19, 2005
precious indecisions

a more pressing issue has impressed itself on me...

...i need my anger... but i can't seem to summon it anymore...

...vulnerability is such a pathetic quality...

...i suck...

...hahahahaha...

so anyway, this was one of the days that had me tied...

i think my eyes are getting worse. i just had a prolonged version of my minute blackouts, i couldn't see for at least ten minutes!!! my head just hurt. it hurt for almost three hours. i felt like gouging my eyes out.
the pain.

and then i needed someone to talk to. well, when i say "someone" i usually just mean a select few. well, the usual suspects were readily available, but.... ...ah let's just say the other people i needed to hear from just didn't feel like brushing with madness... but, it's all cool (kinda sad, though, but hey, like i said, no more anger...).

it feels weird, all of it. i don't know what to make of the things happening around me.

resignation is such a compelling emotion.

melancholy is such a humbling emotion.

on a lighter note, i just realized how great coffee is today. hahaha. chino just bought this half gallon coffee ice cream and well, i never really liked coffee, but i seem to have acquired a taste for it.

i fell asleep rather quickly. my endurance seems to be failing these days. i know its about my eyes. i can't stand being awake for more than twelve hours, otherwise i get these massive headaches. when i say massive, i MEAN MASSIVE. so the question that keeps bugging me is: "how the heck do i juggle this with school next sem?". prolonged consciousness kills me. it's evident when i just start rambling these inanities and i lose the ability to hear the sounds around me. then coordination fails. i find a comfy spot or position. et voila! i get knocked out. whatever.

tonight i'm haunted by three big questions and my indecision just kills me. dammit.

i guess the course of actions were never a matter of ignorance. i mean, logically, i KNOW what should be done.

...fear can be so crippling...
...more crippling than massive headaches, sleep problems, caffeine imbalances...
...more crippling than anything, actually...

...i'm afraid...

mauve angelus dreamt on* 6:34 AM

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profile ___.

Santino Joshua Garcia Torre

"it was all that i wanted, now i'm living without...it's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows..." OVERHAUL COMING UP...

something got caught.. errr? what?!?!?

Male, 21, Single

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Location: Philippines

Hometown: slumberland...

Schools:
University of St. La Salle-IS, University of the Philippines- Manila

Occupation: dreamer, sophisticated jologs

Companies:ignored industries

Affiliations: The Amazing Losers Organization (TALO!), team FS, i-squared,
Brickwall People, Superplan X

Hobbies and Interests: dreaming, sleeping

Favorite Books: the Holy Bible, the imitation of Christ, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Interview with the Vampire,
Eraserheads' Fruitcake, El Filibusterismo, Of Punks Poets and Poseurs, LotR,
The Purgatorio, The Inferno, V, The Final Conflict, The Vampire Lestat,
The Prophet, the perks of being a wallflower

Favorite Movies: reality bites, rockstar, star wars, kill bill, reservoir dogs, awww gawdammit! TARANTINO MOVIES IN GENERAL, (yes?!?), detroit rock city, wayne's world at siyempre Can this be Love? (ang umangal sisipain ko), Memoirs of a Geisha, Nasaan si Francis?

Favorite Music: i need a list!!, eraserheads (with ely), rivermaya (luma), mr. big (with either kotzen or gilbert), smashing pumpkins (with d'arcy), nirvana, foo fighters (basta anjan c dave grohl astig!), counting crows, urbandub, our lady peace