|
|
a more pressing issue has impressed itself on me...
...i need my anger... but i can't seem to summon it anymore...
...vulnerability is such a pathetic quality...
...i suck...
...hahahahaha...
so anyway, this was one of the days that had me tied...
i think my eyes are getting worse. i just had a prolonged version of my minute blackouts, i couldn't see for at least ten minutes!!! my head just hurt. it hurt for almost three hours. i felt like gouging my eyes out.
the pain.
and then i needed someone to talk to. well, when i say "someone" i usually just mean a select few. well, the usual suspects were readily available, but.... ...ah let's just say the other people i needed to hear from just didn't feel like brushing with madness... but, it's all cool (kinda sad, though, but hey, like i said, no more anger...).
it feels weird, all of it. i don't know what to make of the things happening around me.
resignation is such a compelling emotion.
melancholy is such a humbling emotion.
on a lighter note, i just realized how great coffee is today. hahaha. chino just bought this half gallon coffee ice cream and well, i never really liked coffee, but i seem to have acquired a taste for it.
i fell asleep rather quickly. my endurance seems to be failing these days. i know its about my eyes. i can't stand being awake for more than twelve hours, otherwise i get these massive headaches. when i say massive, i MEAN MASSIVE. so the question that keeps bugging me is: "how the heck do i juggle this with school next sem?". prolonged consciousness kills me. it's evident when i just start rambling these inanities and i lose the ability to hear the sounds around me. then coordination fails. i find a comfy spot or position. et voila! i get knocked out. whatever.
tonight i'm haunted by three big questions and my indecision just kills me. dammit.
i guess the course of actions were never a matter of ignorance. i mean, logically, i KNOW what should be done.
...fear can be so crippling...
...more crippling than massive headaches, sleep problems, caffeine imbalances...
...more crippling than anything, actually...
...i'm afraid...
mauve angelus dreamt on* 6:34 AM
i'm gonna put something here! wait!
