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okayyyyy.
assuming you've been living under a rock these past few years, i would assume that you have not been subjected to my enlightening look on chocolate. So here:
"chuckie" is a perv...
(an essay on the effect of chocolate milk on the rise of homosexuality)
you all know magnolia chocolait, right? it's one of the things that every kid born in the 80's would look forward to while strolling down the local supermarket on a grocery spree... and why not? the creamy goodness of chocolate regurgitating in your uvula is unequaled and parents love how their children get to drink milk while at it. In the last decade though, during the highly scrutinized Magnolia-Nestle merger, it has undergone a change of ghastly perversion.
Yes, kids i'm talking about the lovable "chocolait" metamorphosing into "chuckie". Chuckie is a perv. quite simply put. the first time i saw its AD on TV, i went like "OMG, what the hell is going on?".
Think about it. "chuckie" is, of course, a guy's name. The lasso, the denim pants, the singing voice and the actuations of the horrible mascot all point to being masculine. So, i think it would be right to assume that "chuckie" is masculine. Right?
WRONG. "chuckie" is a cow. If anyone remembers the first advertisement of "chuckie", we saw one of the cows at the front of the "chocolait" carton "become" chuckie. What exactly am i getting at? Piecing together the facts in this paragraph, it will be proven that "chuckie" is biologically female. The male version of a cow is a bull, and as such, does NOT produce milk.
So if "chuckie" is biologically female and acts male, that would mean that chuckie is either a lesbian, a fag, or a hermaphrodite. disgusting. utterly. i expect many 3rd sex support groups to come at me saying: "what in the world is your problem? you sick pig!".
My PROBLEM is that the homosexual population is rising and the reason for this is that it becomes so normal and acceptable to be homo that any small leaning towards it becomes fully-blown. With things like "chuckie" floating around in the market, we are giving impressionable children all the wrong behavioral norms.
Well, now that "chuckie" has become independent from "chocolait", we are safe in the knowledge that our favorite chocolate drink is no longer associated with homosexuality. But that's not to say that i'll go back to drinking "chocolait". Why? Have you seen the new magnolia "chocolait" carton? There's a picture of two children. WHY DID THEY PUT A PICTURE OF CHILDREN ON A CHOCOLATE MILK CARTON?!?!? WHHHHHYYYYY?!?!?! imagine the implication! but that's for another entry...
mauve angelus dreamt on* 11:30 PM
i'm gonna put something here! wait!
