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"hindi kasi ako nagrereply talaga pag hindi SMART , eh..."
...THAT started it, actually. A fatal blow in what is proving to be one of my saddest experiences... It started a myriad of unblown emotions into action and a lot of tears into motion. It started... ... the pain... It started many things, but i'm most sorry for the one thing i know it ended.
it ended my feelings. or at least put half-brakes on them. it ended the dreaming. my dreaming.
now all that's left is having to recover from a fallout.
i haven't been sadder in years. i haven't been sadder ever. but, that's the way it is, right?
funny how these little things in life tend to mean more than you think they do.
i promise to be more careful starting now.
it's just like this story Melay wrote called "Text and Subtext". Granted that Melay is one of the best (if not the best) writers i personally know, i found the story particularly picquant because it's one of the things i've been contemplating on lately. Text and Subtext. How apt.
and for everyone's information, i am very well. I am, most decidedly, okay now. Sad. But okay. Okay, but not happy. There's a difference.
Go down the road of every bitter asshole and you'll find they all have something in common:
They got hurt.
I'm bitter now. But, in the larger sense, haven't i always been?
It's why i am what i am and why i do what i do.
I know myself. i always have. and the minute that i depart from that knowledge and aspire for something more, i get hurt.
oh well.
hindi nagrereply pag hindi SMART?
it's more like : "bug off!!"
and I am VERY good with subtext.
(why do you think i even wrote this?!?)
mauve angelus dreamt on* 5:18 PM
i'm gonna put something here! wait!
