punyeta! inaantok ako...!

LSS
Stillwater - All I Can Remember

Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Devil Made Me Do It

If regression is a phase, then I am most certainly caught up in a sick cycle carousel… Imprisoned in a phylogenetic recapitulation of defense mechanisms, psychiatric cases, attitudes, mindsets and motivations.

I’m aware of it happening, but it doesn’t really do me a lot of good, this awareness, because it’s either too strong or that I’m too lazy to do anything about it.

What I’m pertaining to, of course, is my current lack of interest in the pursuance of bettering myself. It seemed to work for a few months, but here I am again.

A peek at a day in the life for the past two weeks: I wake up, nauseous and tired. Fumble with a lighter. Light a ciggie. Amble on to my PC with the full intent of learning some new thing, but my cursor has this habit of pointing at Diablo II. I then double click, wait, look at the characters, then say to myself: “Ah heck, just one level…”

Any RPG addict will testify to the great compulsion the words “one more level up” brings.

And before I know it, I’ve spent four hours of my life. Four hours I can never get back. Four hours I could have used for something else.

It’s at this point that I realize that I can’t make it to school, but I think to myself that it should be okay since we don’t technically have class anymore and I can fix my papers the next day. I click on Winamp, turn the speakers in the bathroom on, then I light another cigarette. It’s at this time that I realize that I’m really going to miss this house. I’ll miss all the space that’s for sure.

What?

Oh, it actually just hit me now, because as I was typing this, some people came over to look at the house and its rooms. And I play the unwitting tour guide. The first question was: “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Manila?”. To which I answer a dopey: “Yeah, I was.”

Oh.

Anyway, whatever. Just goes to show that things don’t last forever, or even at least one lifetime.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, after my commune with the forces of nature, I manage to scrounge up a few scraps of food to constitute a bleak lunch. I return to my room, and this voice in my head says: “just one more level…”

And that’s that. It’s amazing what you can sit through with a strong enough addiction. Pizza, home-cooked meals, calls for attention, bribes, even the almighty Marlboro lights is powerless to sway my attention from slaying the forces of evil as I tap and click head on in the world of the RPG. Very much like the premise in the game where Diablo had corrupted the very champion who defeated him in the first part, I am enslaved.

The first time this happened was to me was four years ago. What managed to snap me out of it was the crashing of a computer. The second time was worse, only with the intervention of a very special woman did I kick the habit. Now, I’m not so sure.

I had intended for this entry to be a defense to this addiction of mine to such a severely outdated game, but as I was thinking of the Pros and Cons, it hit me that this merited no such treatment. It’s a plague. A carrion. A disease. A ravager. One that has me. Hack. Slash. Kill. Level up.

Now thus armed with this realization, it is time to ponder a new course of action to rid myself of this urge. To return to the track of all that I had set for myself in these past few months. Beak the habit. This isn’t doing me any good. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is WRONG. But what do I do about it…?

Ah heck... One more Level Up…

mauve angelus dreamt on* 3:18 AM

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profile ___.

Santino Joshua Garcia Torre

"it was all that i wanted, now i'm living without...it's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows..." OVERHAUL COMING UP...

something got caught.. errr? what?!?!?

Male, 21, Single

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Location: Philippines

Hometown: slumberland...

Schools:
University of St. La Salle-IS, University of the Philippines- Manila

Occupation: dreamer, sophisticated jologs

Companies:ignored industries

Affiliations: The Amazing Losers Organization (TALO!), team FS, i-squared,
Brickwall People, Superplan X

Hobbies and Interests: dreaming, sleeping

Favorite Books: the Holy Bible, the imitation of Christ, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Interview with the Vampire,
Eraserheads' Fruitcake, El Filibusterismo, Of Punks Poets and Poseurs, LotR,
The Purgatorio, The Inferno, V, The Final Conflict, The Vampire Lestat,
The Prophet, the perks of being a wallflower

Favorite Movies: reality bites, rockstar, star wars, kill bill, reservoir dogs, awww gawdammit! TARANTINO MOVIES IN GENERAL, (yes?!?), detroit rock city, wayne's world at siyempre Can this be Love? (ang umangal sisipain ko), Memoirs of a Geisha, Nasaan si Francis?

Favorite Music: i need a list!!, eraserheads (with ely), rivermaya (luma), mr. big (with either kotzen or gilbert), smashing pumpkins (with d'arcy), nirvana, foo fighters (basta anjan c dave grohl astig!), counting crows, urbandub, our lady peace