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mad mumblings issue 1
i miss karate kid...
the bottomless red iced tea, the fried tofu (which, at the time, would be the only thing i'd eat), the cheap chopsticks that just wouldn't break into half evenly, even the ill-colored mayo that they passed as tartar sauce
what was it again? sashi-bashi? i forget.
"...and all I can remember
jesus said unto the least of these
do unto me..." (ten bucks to who can guess what movie this came from)
i hate you. i hate myself even more. once you give up, it's all over. i gave up many times over, but not now, surely not now. i'm 22. i know better. since last year, i've had noone else to blame but me, ive never really contemplated on it, but now that i do, it makes me cry. the first real tears ive had in... 9 months. yeah. i've been too busy to cry. i've been too busy for everything. i still am. i'm too busy doing nothing to do something. i've been strong these past 12 months, haven't i? i'm not a 22 year old loser, that much is clear. repressing every base want can be tiring. i guess all i want is for someone to break the silence and say it's all going to be all right. but no, it's that kind of thinking that drove me to this in the first place. noone's coming. it's all going to be about me. noone can help. noone wants to help so noone gets in. i can do this by myself. i alone. me. myself. alone. let the anger and depression fuel everything. let the desperation take over. i can do this. focus.
game.
set.
match.
mauve angelus dreamt on* 5:57 AM
i'm gonna put something here! wait!
