punyeta! inaantok ako...!

LSS
Stillwater - All I Can Remember

Wednesday, January 11, 2006
a sad one

"hindi kasi ako nagrereply talaga pag hindi SMART , eh..."

...THAT started it, actually. A fatal blow in what is proving to be one of my saddest experiences... It started a myriad of unblown emotions into action and a lot of tears into motion. It started... ... the pain... It started many things, but i'm most sorry for the one thing i know it ended.

it ended my feelings. or at least put half-brakes on them. it ended the dreaming. my dreaming.

now all that's left is having to recover from a fallout.

i haven't been sadder in years. i haven't been sadder ever. but, that's the way it is, right?

funny how these little things in life tend to mean more than you think they do.

i promise to be more careful starting now.

it's just like this story Melay wrote called "Text and Subtext". Granted that Melay is one of the best (if not the best) writers i personally know, i found the story particularly picquant because it's one of the things i've been contemplating on lately. Text and Subtext. How apt.

and for everyone's information, i am very well. I am, most decidedly, okay now. Sad. But okay. Okay, but not happy. There's a difference.

Go down the road of every bitter asshole and you'll find they all have something in common:
They got hurt.

I'm bitter now. But, in the larger sense, haven't i always been?

It's why i am what i am and why i do what i do.

I know myself. i always have. and the minute that i depart from that knowledge and aspire for something more, i get hurt.

oh well.

hindi nagrereply pag hindi SMART?

it's more like : "bug off!!"

and I am VERY good with subtext.

(why do you think i even wrote this?!?)

mauve angelus dreamt on* 5:18 PM
(2) comments

Friday, January 06, 2006
for whose unwrenched clamp; i unwillingly go...

i must admit that i'm not being the most chipper of people (what an understatement!)
well, compared to what everyone's been accustomed to for the past 4 years, this is, what many would describe, my "dark side".

why?

it's one of the dumbest questions anyone could ask. but it's also the most frequently elicited.

"i don't know"

...that would be the only answer anyone'll get from me.

whatever. i've decided to write about my current social circles today, the people that comprise my support group.

the Four - that would be me, andrei, franz, and padz. Yeah, these would be the closest buds of mine. we've known each other for a good ten plus years already. and there's no secret we hide from each other. NONE. hahaha... despite all the other social circles we, as individuals, would belong to, at the end of it, nothing compares to the feeling of lying back and enjoying a couple of beers with the four of us (and the other three's significant others, heheheh, namely lesley, jackie, and peachie)... and though i have yet to bring someone else into our fold, they obviously understand and empathize as to why.

superplan X - the band. i pledge allegiance to the band!!! hahaha... me, akelle, boyong (and jessie), chino (mendoza), pia and yeah, kim. Despite having gotten its name from something very very very very hurting to me (yeah, guys, i'm talking about THAT super Plan X), this is the most comfortable band i've ever been in. Why? because we aren't about being a band. We're something much more than that. We're all each other's shock absorbers. Despite all the terminal crap anyone throws at us, collectively we manage to deal... We may be all scarred and hurting, but well, we deal. No problems.

The Brickwall People - That would be the Superplan X guys plus RF, Keith, and Charles (collectively BAPA), Melay, Alan, Cris, Troy, Ioshi, Owel, Dana, Johannes, Lyzza... Shibby! oh the list goes on...! (sorry if i forgot anyone), so what exactly is so special about these people? i dunno, but they're special nonetheless... This is the expanded group of Superplan X, and i don't regard these people any differently than the members of the nuclear band (i just had to make a distinction). Like i said, we're all each others' shock absorbers. We love each other because, well, we just do!!! hahahaha... and, NO, we AREN'T all smokers. we just love the wall and, yeah each others company...

Team FS - "the Four" plus michael (andan and andaya), james, chino (tan), aldrich, arthur, carlo lim, cy, roger, paul, rommel, dale, nino, errol... hey, high school man, freestyle ta!!! kag si jude, si romeo kag si roy, kag si ah linte kamo ah!! hahahaha... nuff said!!!

and the collective invictive of the brothers in my fraternity... y'all know what that is! : )

and a few select female friends: Christine Ymata, Maan Villanueva, Trisha Estaniel and Marlei Dawn Conserman. - y'know for what and for why and for how long and for... well, yeah... these people rock. period. and they don't belong to any other aforementioned group.

USLS-IS batch 2002 - team FS plus ---- ahhhh heck!!!!! look at http://www.peterpaulzorrodumdum.com.ph/and add all the names there here! i can't be expected to write everyone down (a big sorry to anyone i didn't write, however)! heheheh... now why is this group important? hey, c'mon, these are my high school batchmates!!! anywhere anyone else is, a simple "hi" or a good drinking session is bound to happen! AGAIN sorry, if i didn't put yer names here...

the Torre family - hehehehe... most especially the Torre cousins - all of you WILL understand if i don't put all you names here, right? i love this! hahah... i mean, we're practically the only group of cousins i know that are so closely knitted... i mean, what other family has cousins that go on REGULAR drinking sessions sometimes financed by the old folks? We own man!! hahahahahahaha... not just in alcohol, i can't explain it, we just do. we bring the life anywhere, everywhere, anytime, everytime.

the Garcia family - all of you, collectively, the people i owe much of this city life to. words will never suffice in describing the gratitude i feel for this part of my family... no words, i tell ya... haaah... special mention to Candy Reyes, and Billie Jean and Joan Vergara...

the Garcia-Torre family, my nuclear family - of course. my parents Jaime Javier and Susan Alma. My siblings Simon Javier, Sara Justine, Sebastian Joseph, Stefan Jaime and two we refer to as just "sam". And our adopted family member, my nana: Lorna Costas...... What can be uttered...? really now...? my life i owe to. all of it. NUFF SAID.

so there: my social circles. i don't know why i needed to write that. i feel better because of it. hahahaha...

..back to reading...

mauve angelus dreamt on* 4:41 AM
(0) comments

Tuesday, January 03, 2006
out of the frying pan and into the fire

...and another year on the tracks again...
...whoooooooh...

i feel supercilious...

...splendiforous...

...haaah...
anyway, whatever...
in what seems to be one to one of the most utterly incoherent of days, i have just emerged from a catatonic-like state of...
...unrest...

sure, it helps that i just finished three books and well halfway on my fourth since yesterday morning...

i'm not making sense.
ha. ha.

what's new?

the year?

i hope so.

and i'd like to think i'm better equipped to handle this year as compared to last year.

hey.

it's me.

snobbier.

heavier.

snottier.

hahahahaha.

happy nu...!

mauve angelus dreamt on* 1:07 AM
(0) comments